Dot Dot Dot

Its 3:30pm on a Tuesday afternoon. I am currently sitting in my Primarni dressing gown watching reruns of gossip girl on Netflix. There are three empty mugs of tea on the coffee table in front of me, evidence of my not-so-productive day. Prospects of me not leaving the house are strong. Put this on repeat and you have the vision of my week, aside from the occasional outings to Sainsbury’s to top up my milk and chocolate supplies. I have nothing to do, and nowhere to go.

The dissertation is done. It’s funny how the devilish reputation of writing a dissertation is so underwhelming, yet so accurate. I found the process of writing my dissertation a lot less stressful than my misconceptions of the task led me to believe. I was imagining sleepless nights fuelled by sugar and caffeine, or even worse, alcohol, to finish the ma-husive challenge of writing 10,000 academic words. In reality, it was more like a nagging ache that kind of just hung around, forcing you to think about it all the time. I spent hours in the library researching, note taking and writing, yet when I came home in the evenings to unwind, the ache would guilt me into thinking I was wasting time. As the weirdly organised person I am, I managed to space my work out enough that I was only editing and referencing in my last three weeks. There was no huge rush, or breakdown, or crisis, just a dull ache that kept me on my toes for the past 3 months. Yet, in reality, the stress and pressure of not fucking-it-up makes it the huge and scary task that it is. A weird combination, really.

Then, hand-in day came, and my flatmates and I were two bottles of prosecco down when we gleefully took our proud pictures and handed it in (at 11am might I add). A haze of fizz, Weatherspoon’s and sunshine followed, the feeling of no responsibility elating us to a dizzy drunkenness. The next day arrived, and suddenly it dawned on us all… What’s next? What do we do with our lives now that we don’t have to be stock piling library books in our bedrooms? What do we do now that we can ramble on about a ridiculously specific theatre issues for days on end, yet don’t have to anymore? What do we do now that we have nothing to do?

Well… flash foward a week later, and here I am. There are biscuit crumbs on my jumper, and the kettle is on for tea number 4. The momentary lack of responsibility has been a joy but now I must move on. And so, the job seeking begins, applying for anything and everything that doesn’t sound too laborious (the glamorous jobs of a graduate, hey?). I have to admit though, I am so excited to begin this new part of my life. I cannot wait to truly find out where I want to be, find out what jobs I like and don’t like, and found out how I can fit in to a little corner of the jigsaw of London. I am ready to leave behind jobs for money, and start doing jobs for me, and for my career.

Basically, I am just fucking excited to get out there and do stuff, however keen and naive that may seem right now. I mean, come back to me in two months time when I still haven’t found a job, and I may have changed my tune, but for now, I am riding my high of unknowing possibilities!…Just maybe once the next episode of Gossip Girl finishes.

New Year New Me?

So it’s 2018… What. The. Fuck.

I’m bringing in a classic cliché here, but that has come around so fast! In a blink of an eye, a year full of memories, work and uni has come and gone, and I’m still not feeling any more ready for the big wide world. With 2018 brings dissertations, graduations, careers and houses, all things that seemed like distant thoughts last year, but are now scary realities. With each day comes new adult decisions that I am definitely not qualified to make, yet forced to out of fear for not getting my ‘shit’ together.

Now I’m not the kind of person to believe in the whole New Year New Me bullshit. If you need the date of 1st of January to change your life, then Susan, you need to check yourself. However, in saying that, I like the idea of having a bit of a refresh and look at what cards you have to play. With all the huge moments that 2018 brings for me, I have taken the opportunity to have a look at my situation and make some promises. Of course, there are the superficial ones that aren’t uncommon: become fitter, go to the gym more blah blah blah… but also some that are more meaningful to me and go a little bit deeper than just what you see in the mirror!

  1. Do more: there are too many times where I miss out on things that I love to do, because I feel like I need to be doing something else more important instead, but no more! I want to be happy in my choices and do things I love, not working constantly or staying in to save money.
  2. Write more: I love writing and I want to take the time to do it more. Whether its blog writing, playwriting or just scribbling in a note book, I want to be that person who just has a vat of writing stored in places in their bag, on their laptop and in their head! Instead of spending 20 minutes scrolling through facebook, I could be using that time to write something.
  3. Love more: I am such a terrible person when it comes to expressing my love for my friends and family. I am that person who won’t ever message people once I stop seeing them, purely because I forget and don’t know what to say. I want to make more of an effort to appreciate and talk to my friends, and show my love to those around me.
  4. Work hard: This year is probably the pinnacle moment for me in many ways and so I want to make sure I put my head down and work my butt off to get what I want. This goes for university and for careers afterwards.
  5. Get out more: There are so many days that I spend at home watching Youtube or Netflix because I have no reason to leave the house. I want to take advantage of where I am living and explore around me more. If that means taking my laptop to a random café for an afternoon to do uni work, then so be it, but just make sure I get out of the house.

So there you go, it’s written down and put on the big wide web so it definitely has to be official, right? 2018 as a new year is not bringing a new me, but more of an active version of myself, someone who I want to be, and am happy with.

So cliché over, let’s just hope these resolutions last more than a month like most!